What I Can Do For You

I offer advisory services for Project Papers, Thesis and Dissertation papers for post graduate students as well as give advice on business management, public administration and large scale operation concerns. For general questions or comments, please write below and I'll get back to you soonest.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Funny Political Jokes In The Philippines (Part 2)

More political jokes to tickle your humerus!

A Filipino town councilor was with a group of politicians on a study tour in a sister US city.  One morning he went to a Diner in the city and ordered breakfast.
Pinoy Councilor:  I want a cup of coffee …
American Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, Sir, regular or decaf?
Pinoy Councilor : No, Big cup!! Big cup!
American Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast, Sir?
Pinoy Councilor: Ham en eggs.
American Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, Sir?
Pinoy Councilor:  Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
American Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy Councilor: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
American Waiter: (now very impatient)  Would you like your eggs...fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy Councilor: (now very uneasy)  Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Beg yur pardon?
American Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? Whole wheat? toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano
American Waiter: We don't have that, Sir.
Pinoy Councilor: Okey, gib me taysti.
American Waiter: We don't have that either, sir.
Pinoy Councilor: Do you hab pan de lemon or pan de sal?
American Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy Councilor: Donut plis.... 

A short and loquacious local city councilor likes to be known in the community as a great lover and womanizer. Separated from his wife, he hires government lady casual employees in exchange for sexual favors. One day, he just finished his “conquest” of a pretty new casual employee in a motel and:
Lady employee:  (Teasingly rubbing the city official) Sir, I need new bras. I have only one which I am using now. It is already old and torn.
City Councilor:  You don’t need to use bra anymore. Anyway your boobs are very small.
Lady employee :  Huh? Eh, Sir? Why do you use brief when “yours” is very small also….
The wife of a politician saw an amorous text message to her husband’s cell phone from a man known to her.  One late night the angry wife confronted the politician about his relationship with the man…
WIFE:   Walang hiya Ka! Bading ka Pala !  Bakla!!!!! Diyan ka na nga…..
POLITICIAN:  “Honey, saan ka pupunta?
WIFE:   Maghahanap ako ng tunay na lalake!
POLITICIAN :  Hanap ka ng dalawa hah? Tig-isa tayoh! 

A politician and his bodyguard entered a cockpit to participate in a derby for local cockfight aficionados.

POLiTICIAN: “ Paano mo malalaman na may “tangang” pumasok sa loob ng sabungan?
 BODYGUARD : Kung ang dalang panabong ay “itik”.
 POLITICIAN:   Paano mo malalaman na may “inutil” sa loob ng sabungan?
 BODYGUARD:  Pag may pumusta sa itik!
 POLITICIAN:: Eh  paano mo malalaman na nasa loob ng sabungan si FG Mike Arroyo?

A newly elected high government official was trying to do some Math calculation and got so confused  so she called her new sexy secretary and asked :
GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL : If I give you P3M less 15%, how much would you take off?
SEXY SECRETARY: Everything Sir! Dress, Pants, Bra, Panty! !

An abusive close aide of a local government executive was well known as a ‘sexual predator’ of female casual employees in City Hall. One morning, he rubbed the neck of a pretty casual employee. When his hands started to go lower to her “boobs”, the female employee slapped the aide’s hand and said :

LADY EMPLOYEE:  Bastos!  I am not what you think of me. You think you can harass all of us here.
ABUSIVE AIDE : Abah! You are brave ah. Do you want that your name will be erased from the list of casual employees next month?  I can do that if you will not be good to me.
LADY EMPLOYEE: Really? I do not care if you do it; I will see the Mayor on your sexual harassment.
ABUSIVE AIDE: I am very influential with the Mayor and he will believe me in what I will say. I am ordering you that beginning next month you have no work here in City Hall anymore.
LADY EMPLOYEE: okay, if that’s the case, I will tell your wife about your illicit relationship with your co-office worker, Girlie. I have photos with me to show your wife.
ABUSIVE AIDE : (smiling sheepishly) Wait! Wait! I was just joking. I am sorry! Please don’t tell my wife…

They say that humor is infectious. When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases intimacy and happiness. Most of all, laughter is free, fun and easy to do. Laughter is the best medicine.  

April 9, 2013 Fresno, California USA

No comments:

Post a Comment