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| Art courtesy of turbosquid.com |
Less than 2 months before the
Philippine mid-term election, politics is turning out to be the most
interesting topic anywhere in the country today. Almost everybody will always
find somebody who has a different opinion on this issue than you or anyone else.
To add glitter to the election campaign, many seemed to be pleasantly surprised
and amused at how funny jokes about politicians can be. More often though witty
jokes about politicians show a great contrast to their monotonous speeches.
Most of us believed that the more successful and popular politicians had
become, the more funny jokes that they invite.
Thus, for a potential political
leader, being the butt of a political joke is a cross between a symbol of honor
and ritual of acceptance in the political jungle. But there is one thing about
politicians to which everybody might agree: sometimes they can be really quaint
and hilarious!
See some of the funny international
political jokes that I sourced out from the internet.
“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere,
diagnosing it wrongly, and applying unsuitable remedies.” Sir Ernest Benn
“In politics, absurdity is not a
handicap”. Napoleon Bonaparte
“Instead of giving the keys to
the City, it might be better to change the locks”. Doug
Larson
“Politics make strange
bedfellows rich”. Wayne Haisley
"A politician needs the ability to foretell what is
going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year and to have the
ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen." Winston
Churchill
"When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become
President; I'm beginning to believe it." Clarence Darrow
“The punishment for those who are
too smart to engage in politics is to be governed by those who are dumber.”
Plato
“Politicians and diapers have one
thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.” Unknown
“A statesman is a politician who places himself at the service of the
nation. A politician is a statesman
who places the nation at his service.” Georges
Pompidou
“He knows nothing and he thinks he knows everything. That points to
a political career.“ George Bernard Shaw
“Politicians are the same all
over. They promise to build bridges, even when there are no rivers” Nikita Kruschev
“In archaeology you uncover the
unknown. In diplomacy, you cover the known.” Thomas Pickering
When asked the question “What is the difference between Capitalism
and Socialism?”, a budding politician answered ; “ Capitalism
is the exploitation of man by man. Socialism is the exact opposite.
“Today’s public figures can no
longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they
can’t read them either.” Gore Vidal
“Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked
businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised
officials improve their bank balances.” Steve
Allen
“We hang petty thieves and
appoint the great ones to public office.” Aesop
“Sociologists have documented
this. Here are the stages of a scandal: “ First you have the denial, then you
have the tearful confession, then it's resignation, and then you appear on
'Dancing With the Stars.” David Letterman
“It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while
he's in love, drunk, or running for public office.” Shirley MacLaine
"In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician
because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well." Unknown
A cannibal was walking through a
jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat
hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu. .. Broiled missionary - $ 25 : Fried
Explorer :- $ 35 : Baked politician - $ 100. The cannibal called the waiter
over and asked. “Why such a big price
difference for the politician?” The cook replied “Have you ever tried cleaning one of them?”
A bus load of politicians was
driving down a US southern country road,
when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. A few
days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing “politicos”, saw the crashed bus, and
asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back." The
sheriff then asked, "Were they all dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well,
some of them said they weren't, but
you know how them politicians lie."
One day a government official was
clearing out his office drawers when he found a magic lamp. Since he had heard
many tales about magic lamps, he rubbed it and a genie appeared. “What is your first wish, oh master?” The
public servant thought for a second and then replied “I would like to be extremely
rich.” So the genie granted him his wish making him richer than Bill Gates.
Asked about his second wish, the public official said: “My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women at my command.” And poof, he was in an island with his money
and beautiful women at his disposal.
Then the public executive decided on his third and last wish, “I don’t want to do any work again in my
life.” And then poof, the public
official was back in his public office again.
The late US President Ronald Reagan was a man with the high
sense of humor, both as a private individual and as a politician. If US Pres.
John F. Kennedy was reputed for his wit in giving a quick retort in reaction to
an instant, Reagan was adept in using humor in a more strategic way and scoring
political vantage points.
Reagan can be best remembered by
his famous and witty quotes below:
“The
struggle now going on for the world will never be decided by bombs or rockets,
by armies or military might. The real crisis we face today is a spiritual one;
at root, it is a test of moral will and faith.”
“I used to say that politics was the second-oldest profession. I have
come to know that it bears a gross similarity to the first.”
“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are:
‘ I’m from the government and I’m here to
help.’ “
“ I have only one
thing to say to the tax increasers: Go ahead, make my day.”
“Governments have a tendency not to solve problems, only to re-arrange
them.”
“I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born”
“If my opponent’s campaign were a TV show, it would be like “Let’s
Make a Deal.” You’d get to trade your prosperity for the surprise behind the
curtain.”
When 1984 Democrat presidential
nominee Walter Mondale accused Reagan of “government
by amnesia”, Reagan countered by saying
“I thought that remark accusing me of
having amnesia was uncalled for. I just wish I could remember who said it.”
Hope you had your day’s laugh!
April 3, 2013 Fresno,
California, USA
Note : Political Jokes ( Filipino Version) Will Follow……
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